By Garland Pollard
It’s the Pillsbury Spritz Collection, on sale now at your neighborhood Dollar Tree, right between all the closeout High School Musical crap. The Dollar Tree, of course, only has closeouts and things that either didn’t sell elsewhere, or are brands of companies that are in decline, or need some quick exposure for cheap. We guess is it is a product that failed elsewhere.
We hate to point our fingers at this cinna-tomizer (now that’s a word!), as we could easily be in the position of the brand manager that allowed this one to go forward. You can hear it now from the top:
- Get some Christmas exposure for the Dough Boy!
- Extend the “halo” of the beloved Pillsbury brand!
- Allow harried working women the pleasure of smelling some cinnamon rolls!
- Make your monthly numbers!
But the reality is quite different. It’s even worse than that that stupid spray butter, in that it isn’t even food.
- First, they sell for a buck at the Dollar Tree, which is certainly cheaper than they sold for at holiday time. Guessing that they sold for about $2.98, the same price as some actual rolls. So why wouldn’t you buy the real thing for just about the same price, and enjoy the real smell?
- The smell is not as good as the actual rolls. So it diminishes the brand. Your kitchen will not smell like Cinnabon, we promise.
- The whole Pillsbury brand premise is about cooking and time IN the kitchen. So why would you want to encourage people to pretend?
- It just makes you feel guilty. The question awaits: Am I so busy at Christmastime that I don’t have 15 minutes to pop open a canister of Pillsbury dough and bake it?
- Do you spray Dough Boy juice on your body, or on your kitchen counter? Does it clean your counter? Is there sugar in it so it makes a sticky mess? Do you spray in the morning, or at night?
- The Dough Boy has his hands in the air. Could it be underarm deodorant?
Enough of this Home Fragrance Potpourri Spritz. I thought potpourri was about dead flower petals, but now it apparently stands for Any Old Stinky Thing.